(E)merging

Astoria, Oregon ~ November 3, 2011

Eeesh. Photos are so smart now that they have their own orientations. For some reason this eel will not stay upright on Blogger. Being an eel, he probably doesn't mind. But I do. I can't fix it.

I have to think about this. Not the eel, but blogging. One of my goals for the new year was to consolidate at least some of my scattered projects. Another was to come out from behind the curtain of my online store store and the Tapir Fund. I felt like I needed to repackage both into who I really am instead of maintaining them as faceless entities outside of myself. The idea is frightening, but the alternative has begun to seem ridiculous, and emerging feels inevitable.

Tonight I attended a writers' online chat, and the author leading the Q&A discussion emphatically said that a writer should combine all of their interests into one blog and market themselves rather than just their projects or products. I like the idea. It fit with my notion that I would feel less scattered and fried if I consolidated. There are a couple of blogs I think I would not want to merge or give up, but I like the idea. I'm going to work with it. She said that all of the strands should come together in one home location. My place of consolidation has been Tapirback, but that is only a top-level web page. It's not dynamic. 

These days, she said, people want to see real. They want to see who you are. They identify with you, they like you, and they want to buy your book or product. You are selling you. That is scary, but I believe it. I don't know that my blog is here to sell books, but for years I've neglected to make it the journal I want it to be. If I talk about my work and someone buys a book, that's great, but this is not "an author platform," it's just me. If they like my art, that's good, too. Pull it together. Here. Not all over the web. This is, hopefully, symbolic of the year.

The timing for tonight's online revelation was uncanny. I had been thinking all day about starting yet another blog for my reworking of All Eight Went into a Kindle book, but the whole idea was disturbing. I could not see this book merged with any of the blogs I already have, nor could I see myself starting blog number ten. So thank god I tuned in. I seem to be paying attention to the signals.

My Web Page: Tapirback.com.

Bicycle Waiting

Astoria, Oregon ~ January 24, 2013

Outside Columbia River Coffee Roasters

Yes, some of us need reminding. I'm still noticing small improvements that add up, but I'm waiting for the huge improvements. I did the math last night, and I honestly think my recovery was set back about a year because it took six months after the first surgery to get the second one. That means six more months of getting sick and six more months that I wasn't recovering. It's like driving an hour in the wrong direction. You lose the first hour, you lose the hour getting back to your starting point, and you lose the two hours you would have been driving in the right direction. I'm so mad about it, but at least I'm on the recovery road now. For some of us who were so incredibly sick before the surgery, this is unconscionable. These doctors were nice to me but I think they made mistakes. I will definitely tell them my opinion afterwards, though nicely. I reserve my greater fury for the doctor who had no clue when he saw the calcium test of 11.3 and would not send me to an endocrinologist. That was in 2004. Oh well, this was about recovery. I know it's here for all of us, but I know I would have had a quick recovery myself in 2004. I was still so very functional then.

I feel a bit like this bench. Waiting. Moss growing. Bicycle waiting. It's a bench for two, and yet it feels so lonely. The background is peaceful, but the real world waits outside the confines of the frame.

I was able to have coffee and visit for awhile with Barbara, Erika, and Laurel. I had fun playing with smiling Inga, still tiny with big blue eyes that sparkle fun. Teagan no longer knows me. We will see what happens with that.

1:30 p.m.: After my Reiki treatment with Angela, my feet gave me just a hint that, yes, they will someday take me places again. It was one of their better mornings. I remember the day - in between my two surgeries - when I was able to walk to the parking lot of Wells Fargo to hear music on Sunday Market day. It has not happened since, but it will happen again.

My Web Page: Tapirback.com.

INFP: Embracing the Quest

Catherine discovered the Myers-Briggs configuration of INFP today and realized they were talking about dreamers. Apparently you have to pay for the real M-B test, but together we found a site where you can take similar tests. Catherine came out ESFJ, a "Seller." I wasn't too surprised that I came out INFP, because I took the test years ago, but I didn't know that my designation came with the label, "Questor." 

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

This is good. I like being a questor. The test reminds me where my focus needs to remain to feel fulfilled. I have books to research and write this year. Several. I am also bringing more of my interests into my business, and embracing the quest here, too.

My Web Page: Tapirback.com.

Night Street

Astoria, Oregon ~ January 9, 2013

Please click photo to enlarge

Today may have been my best day since my second parathyroid surgery on October 30. I've been taking enough calcium to alleviate symptoms since about December 31. Some symptoms of post-surgery low calcium were relieved right away, but then I got very tired, and any expenditure of energy through movement or stress knocked me right down. On January 7, I had dinner with Jane at Pier 11, and felt the best I had felt yet for about 10 or 15 minutes before I got painfully tired again. It was progress. I had showered and dressed just before she picked me up, and believe it or not, this still constituted a lot of activity.

Today, January 9, I went to the pharmacy in the Park Building and continued on to Starbucks. I don't remember feeling shaky, weak, or light-headed, and I came home not feeling overtired. This is big progress, even though I am still getting somewhat bloated. Not as bad as before. Maybe staying off of wheat (except for the occasional cookie) is helping.

I took the photo from my window when I got home, mainly to have a picture for this post. Turns out I like it, especially larger.

My Web Page: Tapirback.com.

Getting the Word Out about Parathyroid Disease - A Curable, Silently-disabling Epidemic

Astoria, Oregon ~ December 17, 2012

The photo is simply a scene near my home, since I am not getting out much yet. I posted the text and link below on Facebook last night after several of the discussions in my FB parathyroid groups centered on how poorly-recognized this devastating condition is and how many are not getting diagnosed, and are not even getting treated when their calcium labs come back high. Primary hyperparathyroidism is common, can easily be found and treated if the doctors want to. This disease is a silent epidemic, especially among women, and is actually masked by its many general symptoms. The article and my post are below. 

Link to an article in the Telegraph:

Is this why you're tired all the time?

My Facebook status from last night:

I am finally BEGINNING to recover. Friends . . . women in particular. Women need to get blood calcium levels checked, especially if you feel tired, depressed, anxious, have fibromyalgia, osteopoenia, osteoporosis, aching muscles, cancer, or a host of other conditions. Fatigue (highlighted in the attached article) is only one of the symptoms. This condition is treatable IF you or your doctor can read a number on a test. Mine had no clue 8 years ago, and I was only diagnosed in 2012, after long years of wondering what was wrong and years of being sick and disabled, especially the last 2 1/2 years. It's worth a blood test. This article gives a brief description. Maybe 1 in 250 women have this disease by the age of 50, and 90% may go undiagnosed. For me, diagnosis took 10 years. This condition is NOT as rare as your doctor may tell you. And don't be surprised if you have a high calcium and they don't take you seriously. There is no such thing as calcium being "a little bit high." The list of symptoms is HUGE, and you don't have to have them all. See also parathyroid.com. Men can get the disease as well, but women get it much more often. A simple number on a standard blood test can put you on the road to recovery before you lose years of your life to this debilitating and expensive disease. If your calcium is over 10.1 and your doc doesn't take this seriously, have him or her google hyperparathyroidism or get another opinion. I'm sorry if this sounds like an ad. It's not. I'm trying to come back out of my seclusion, and this is what it's been about. Reply or message me if you have questions.

I wish everyone a happy and HEALTHY 2013.

~ Sheryl

My Web Page: Tapirback.com.